How To Pronounce ‘Espresso’ And Not Look Like A D*ckhead

"X" does not mark the spot.

How To Pronounce ‘Espresso’ And Not Look Like A D*ckhead

Image:White Horse Coffee

The great nation of Italy has given the world many wonderful things: world-beating art, fashion, culture and – most of all – food and drink. And what do we English speakers do in return? We brutalise their beautiful language with lazy and sometimes comical mispronunciations. Well, no more: one TikToker’s hilarious video is here to put you right.

It may be true that your morning coffee could be doing you more harm than good, but that doesn’t stop people around the world from chugging it down like there’s no tomorrow.

In fact, coffee is one of the most popular drinks on earth with over two billion cups of the stuff consumed every single day. It’s no secret that coffee is pretty central to Australian culture too, with the average Aussie consuming over two kilograms (or well over 300 cups) of coffee every year and 75% of us indulging on the daily.

Despite our love for it, however, we seem utterly incapable of pronouncing its name properly. Not “coffee” per se, that one we can just about handle, but “espresso” seems to be a word be find especially challenging in the English-speaking world.

Luckily, Gstaadguy has stepped up and created a video that should help you remember the right way to say it. In fact, its so hilarious that we can’t see you forgetting it any time soon.

In 2014, a survey of British citizens found that a whopping 80% of people have trouble pronouncing the word, a pretty damning statistic.

But perhaps more worrying is the fact that the Italian government – the de facto owners of the word – are threatening to make low-effort Anglicised pronunciation of their favourite foodstuff an actual crime. No more “brusketta” for you…

Italy’s prime minister, Giorgia Meloni, is angling to introduce the language ban. Image: Getty

Taking particular umbrage with the unwelcome “X” that always seems to creep into Anglicised pronunciations, he threatens to put offenders exactly where they belong: a la poubelle – the trash can.

And the message is delivered in characteristic style: quarter zip on, a large cigar in hand, and looking at the viewer down his nose, just as we deserve for our anti-Italian sins.

So, let this be a word to the wise: if you’re going to take Italian recipes – food, drink, or otherwise – and make them a central part of your daily routine, at least do them the honour of pronouncing it properly.

If you don’t, they’ll come for you, first on TikTok, and second with the polizia on hand…