We live in a divided society. Everything down to your Macadamia milk latte is political. Every statement you make has subconscious intent.
According to this logic, you can’t rock a man bun because you thought Brad Pitt looked cool at the Oscars. Nah: if you tie your hair in a knot, you’ve also got to suddenly develop the spirit animal of a f*ckboi vegan hipster who is a part-time Jazz musician and a freelance NFT entrepreneur who spends a lot of time hanging around in cafes.
Not deterred by this, however, (after my previous experiments, in which I rocked every f*ckbois favourite footwear for a week, and Chris Hemsworth’s designer stubble for a month I have become immune to shame) I recently decided to continue my sartorial evolution by throwing my receding, bleached hairline into a man bun.
In the process, I realised there is an art to the man bun. You have to commit to the process, and learn the ropes before you can really feel good about it. You have to suffer for your follicular systems upgrade, and stay the course.
I realise it’s a bit funny me saying this after only having a man bun for two weeks. But anyway: here’s what I learned.
The Low Bun (with your fringe hanging loose) is the most comfortable version of the man bun, but looks a bit dishevelled (unless you’re Brad Pitt)
Inject Brad Pitt and his lil man bun into my veins #Oscars pic.twitter.com/SPqXb51ZMG— Jamie Blynn (@jamieblynn) April 26, 2021
The devil may not care, but if you’re going to an important work function, your business associates might.
You will inevitably become obsessed with running your hands through your hair when you are not rocking the man bun
Or is that just me?
Man buns are so not cool they are almost… cool?
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it…
There’s a reason the high bun is the iconic look
After a week of rocking the low bun and having my hair escape every day, I tried my man bun a bit higher up. It worked much better. Now I get it.
Believe it or not; man buns save you time
I’ve realised having long hair actually saves you more time than awkward ‘in between length’ hair. Why? Medium length hair (which is not yet long enough to be put in a bun) requires a shower and a brush to look respectable. Man bun length hair, however, looks the same regardless of whether or not you have showered and conditioned it, because it’s hidden away in a man bun. Life hacks people, life hacks.
You initially feel self conscious, then it gets better
Practice makes perfect.
Man buns don’t give you instant sex appeal
Contrary to what Twitter might have you believe…
Brad Pitts low man bun got me like:#Oscars pic.twitter.com/VGq9VhIhP7— carrie frison (@carriemehome144) April 26, 2021
…having a man bun, at least in my experience, doesn’t make people start throwing themselves at you on the street.
Long hair may have its upsides, but there are some tricky aspects to it
From struggling to brush such long hair to pulling your man bun too tight, it’s not all fun and games, as TikTok users in the video below explain.
The Struggles Of Having Long Hair, According To Men Who Have Long Hair