It’s Official: Men With Small Penises Have Higher IQs, Global Study Reveals

Day = made.

It’s Official: Men With Small Penises Have Higher IQs, Global Study Reveals


Fellas, it’s the news we’ve all been waiting for. Following hot on the heels of a very welcome explanation of the perfect penis size (from a woman’s point of view…) and the viral penis facial, a new study has revealed a correlation that will brighten the days of many, many men around the world.

In a study that’s sure to raise more than just eyebrows, researchers have uncovered a correlation between the length of a man’s penis and his intelligence quotient (IQ). The study analyzed data from over 115,000 men across 139 countries, ultimately suggesting that men with shorter penises tend to have higher IQs…

WATCH: The Perfect Penis Size, According To A Woman

Undertaken by a global research team that brought together the resources of several internationally acclaimed institutions, the study aimed to explore the potential relationship between male sexual maturation — as indicated by penile length — and cognitive abilities. Previous smaller studies had hinted at a possible connection, but this worldwide analysis that brings together data from every corner of the planet provides far more robust evidence.

The study’s findings reveal a ‘statistically significant negative correlation’ between flaccid penile length and IQ, meaning that, on average, men with shorter flaccid penises have higher IQs. It’s very important to note that the correlation held up even after adjusting for factors such as GDP per capita, educational spending, daily maximum temperature, and body mass index (BMI).

The research aligns with the r-K life history theory, which suggests that different reproductive strategies have evolved off the back of certain environmental contexts. We’ll do our best to summarise, but we’d suggest doing further reading elsewhere for a more detailed explanation…

Whale reproduction follows a K-selection strategy, with few offspring, long gestation, long parental care, and a long period until sexual maturity. Image and caption: Wikipedia

For example, in Africa’s warmer climates, a strategy of high reproduction amongst animals — having as many offspring as possible — became the dominant practice, whereas in the colder regions of Europe and Northern Asia, a strategy focusing on fewer but very well-cared-for offspring was adopted across the ecological spectrum. This theory also proposes that the aforementioned reproductive strategies are linked to brain size and IQ, with colder environments demanding higher cognitive functioning.

The study also looked at the role of testosterone in determining aggression and sexual competitiveness, suggesting a further correlation between higher levels of testosterone and increased penile length, which in turn enhances the likelihood of ‘successful semen deposition’ in the female uterus…

While the study’s authors strongly caution against drawing causal inferences from the study’s findings, as do we, they suggest the inverse relationship between flaccid penile length and IQ could be influenced by a very complex combination of genetic, evolutionary, and environmental factors. They also note — and this is important, fellas — that the correlation does not imply that penis size directly affects intelligence or vice versa.

Tempting as it may be, we’d caution against letting this study get under your skin… Image: PerthNow

This research is genuinely exciting, as well as an easy jab at your well-endowed mates, opening up new avenues for understanding the increasingly complex interplay between physical and mental development. It also challenges deep-rooted and damaging societal stereotypes, encouraging us all to beyond surface-level endowments when considering people’s intelligence…

Hilarious as this may be for some, the study ultimately reminds us of an important point: don’t let the haters get you down, good things really do come in small, medium, and very-slightly-over-average packages….