Video: Woman’s Experience Going Out Solo
An American woman has, in our view, revealed the big problem with single men in 2022: device dependency. The woman, who recently moved cities for work, and who is done with dating apps, created a series of TikTok videos in which she goes out on her own and records what happens.
This was TikTok user Angelica Explains It All’s New Years resolution – to swap dating apps for solo excursions. However, her first night out alone was a disaster. Why? She spoke to no one and ended up in tears after having a “really hard” night.
Angelica walked past a beer garden full of people hanging out with their friends and went inside. She then says: “Ok, that did not go well and was a little embarrassing. I’m going to see if I can find another place to go though.”
Angelica then went to a jazz club, where she didn’t have a good time because it was so crowded. “Not going as planned,” she said. “I don’t know what I thought [would happen]. I genuinely thought I was going to meet people. The jazz bar was too crowded, there wasn’t even anywhere to sit. I’m going to keep trying but that was really hard.”
She received an outpouring of support online, with many social media users commending her for her bravery and expressing empathy. The video has been viewed more than 1.5 million times.
“This is actually remarkably brave,” one TikTok user wrote. “I’m sorry the night didn’t end the way you wanted, but am genuinely proud of you for trying.”
Another suggested: “Bring a journal when you go, and write down how you’re feeling at the time. It’ll give you something to do at the bar & help work through the feelings.”
“I used to go out alone all the time,” another wrote. “The key is to AVOID busy bars for obvious reasons, try a small cocktail bar or a dive bar on the weekdays.”
Further suggestions included: “I’ve heard to go to hotel bars where you’ll meet people traveling for work so they might be solo” and “go to a dive bar and bring a book! Sometimes I do the crossword puzzle on my phone and [if] I want to talk to someone I ask them to help me lol.”
Angelica seemed honoured her video resonated with so many people, and posted follow up analysis where she reflected she “didn’t set an intention for the night” and realised “meeting people and enjoying your own company are two conflicting ideas.”
“I could have started conversations with people,” Angelica said. “The opportunity presented itself but I was too nervous and I felt too embarrassed being out by myself to talk to other people. I just thought people were going to come up to me and start conversation… but I also could have just sat at the cute little bar I went to and had my cocktail by myself and enjoyed my own company.”
The second thing Angelica pointed out is that if you want to take yourself out on a date you need to “do the things I would expect a date to do for me – making reservations, having a back up plan. When I go out I’m there to enjoy my own company so if I happen to meet people and I happen to have conversations I then get to decide if I spend time with them.”
This idea of getting off dating apps and going on solo adventures to meet people is an attractive proposition to many single people. But because it is an uncomfortable thing to do, many don’t do it. A survey DMARGE recently conducted with Insights Box, for instance, suggested that only a minority of people believe online apps have made dating more enjoyable (32% of men surveyed agreed with the premise, and 19% of women surveyed agreed with the premise).
The study also showed that many of us are more comfortable using dating apps because they are convenient. The downside to this though is that – if tales like Angelica’s are anything to go by – it’s getting harder to meet people in person, as fewer people expect or intend to meet a potential date or connection when they go out.
Contrary to what many people believe, however, a lot of single people would love to be engaged with on a night out – so long as it’s in a respectful way (something we have spoken to at length about with relationship expert and advisor to The Bachelor Samantha Jayne).
This, arguably, is the big problem with single men (and single people in general, not just men) in 2022 – they’ve become too device-dependent. If this sounds like you, perhaps solo adventures are a good way to solve it.
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Whether or not you agree, it seems Angelica is intent on giving it a crack, telling followers: “I want to go to more than just bars” and resolving to do one intentional solo adventure a week.
She also told followers, on the topic of “why solo date?”, that she doesn’t think it’s a gender-specific experience, but “it really happens in your late 20s early 30s, with this shift of people is moving in with their partners, moving for jobs, living in new cities and not knowing anyone and it’s so much more difficult to meet people at this age than it was in your early 20s.”
She also says that it’s not even necessarily beneficial only for single people: “Also I don’t think that it’s a relationship status specific experience really, it’s a journey of self-love and independence because even when you do get in a relationship it’s so important to be doing things for yourself.”