If you’ve ever felt bad about wasting your time on one dud date; imagine how bad you’d feel if you were stuck with them as the only person you could see for months on end…
That’s the dilemma facing many Sydney singles right now after a ‘buddy system’ from earlier in the lockdown (which allowed intimate partners to visit each other) has morphed into a ‘one person system’ which allows NSW singles who are living by themselves to nominate one person to visit them (that person cannot change over the course of the lockdown).
This system was dubbed a ‘singles bubble.’
“If you have been or are living by yourself, you are allowed to nominate one person that is allowed to visit you, but it has to be the same person,” Berejiklian said during a press conference announcing the ‘singles bubble.’
“You cannot have a different person every day. You have to nominate that one person that is your buddy or is part of your singles bubble for the [remainder of the lockdown] to make sure that we do not spread the virus.”
DMARGE spoke to one Sydney singleton who said they were really feeling the pressure on who to pick.
“There’s options with some past flings I’ve been talking to… but to be honest none I wanna put up with haha.”
Relationship expert Samantha Jayne told DMARGE: “Oh I feel for single people out there! Covid is tough! The good thing is that I have found that people are more genuine and don’t want to waste time. If you feel like ‘you don’t want to put up with someone’ then you’re better off embracing this as an opportunity to work on you.”
“Use the time to find that inner happiness, view it as some sort of retreat, take some online courses, take up a new hobby that you’ve always wanted to do, clear out your closet and declutter your space. Get into rituals, rituals are routines which you practise at least 3 times a week.”
“The more you do this, the more certainty and clarity you will feel. Start planning the life you want by watching inspirational videos and ted talks, reading books etc. Just keep your mind focused on where you want to be. Don’t spend time with a buddy that is going to annoy you just for the sake of it, life is precious and make every moment count!”
“Now is actually a good opportunity to get online if you are single and expand your network…you can always start with video chats and see where things go when lockdown ends.”
Heidi Gee, sex therapist and couple’s counsellor, told DMARGE, “it depends on what you need.”
“If you are single and are missing your friends and you don’t have friends and family that are really close but you’ve got a f*** buddy who’s close and you’re both on the same page then hey, choose your f*** buddy.”
“If you need a friend; choose your friend.”
Heidi says to ask yourself: do I need sex? Do I need intimacy? Do I need a friend? Do I need a family?
“Contact that person – are they in the same boat? Are they willing to give? Can they give you what you need? Can you provide the same?”
She also says to consider safety (“are they also following the rules?”).
“What will I get that from that person? Can I give them what they need and safety?”
For her part, Samantha recommends you “find someone with aligned values, someone who lifts you up, makes you happy and you feel like a team.”
“If you’re on the same page then lockdown will be fun! It’s important you can communicate openly and honestly, there will be times when you need space you need to know how to navigate this so you are both happy.”
“Consider how neat vs. messy; how will that feel if you are completely different, what type of food choices do you have etc. Birds of a feather flock together.”
There are benefits and risks to taking the plunge and picking a friend with benefits as your lockdown ‘person’ over simply a friend or family member.
According to Samantha, the benefit is “you get to fast track getting to know each other.”
“It’s new and exciting and it could really take things to the next level.”
The main risk, Samantha told us, is “if you are highly incompatible and you drive each other crazy!”
“The worst case scenario is they turn out to be a sociopath. Don’t laugh: it happens! You can’t always tell…they seem like normal everyday people but sociopaths love to move fast, they love bomb you, and seem like they are so incredibly fantastic that once you’re in you can’t get out! So I will tread carefully… sometimes it is better the devil you know.”
Sydney, you’ve been warned.