The Biggest 'White Sneaker' Lie Men Have Ever Been Sold

'Fresh kicks' are not a magic solution to men's fashion woes.

The Biggest 'White Sneaker' Lie Men Have Ever Been Sold

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Common Projects with running socks. Off-the-rack blazers. Mankles. This is a fashion crisis. And unlike the generational faux-pas of previous eras, we don’t even realise it’s happening. Why? Because we’ve been sold a lie – the lie that a pair of fresh white sneakers will make up for our other sins.

Sorry to break it to you, but purchasing a pair of ‘fresh kicks’ is not a silver bullet solution. Trust me: I’ve tried – just as fast as my heart lept when I heard I could not just “up my style” with sneakers, but also wear them with a suit, shorts and just about every other outfit I own, it sank when I realised I hadn’t solved the core problem – not owning a decent rotation of outfits to begin with.

I didn’t come to this realisation straight away though. In fact, the day I bought my first pair of Oliver Cabell’s, I thought I was cooler than Luka Sabbat. All good things must come to an end though. And this is how it came about – these are all the reasons fresh kicks are not the ‘magic’ product you’ve been sold.

They don’t stay fresh for long


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While not as pricey as Common Projects, Givenchy; Versace, my $188 ‘Projects were still expensive enough for me to fear puddles, dust and stair edges almost as much as I feared the world suspecting I had started dressing myself at the behest of an internet guide.

You soon come to realise purchasing ‘box fresh’ sneakers every two months to compensate for not owning a fitted suit (and proper casual clothing) is actually less financially sustainable than going to the tailor and dropping $1,000.

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They make you paranoid

It’s not just stair edges; the judgement of others is actually a lot more painful when you are wearing an eye-catching pair of kicks. In fact, wearing one ‘trendy’ item brings more attention to the rest of your outfit’s failures than if the whole thing is a mess.

They don’t magically transform you into Luka Sabbat

Did I mention this? Heart breaking.

They won’t instantly get you a date

Unlike the blue denim jacket (which we have on good authority is almost guaranteed to get you a date), shoes tend not to feature in most Tinder DP’s. And – as we mentioned earlier – a good overall outfit is key to impressing mates, co-workers and dates.

They will make you bleed

There’s nothing worse than turning up to that big meeting or work event looking like fire… only to look down and realise there is blood pouring from your ankles. Neither band-aids nor that awkward hobble you are forced to put on when you have blisters are a good look.

You will have to buy new (invisible) socks


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The only thing worse than not owning a quality pair of ‘fresh kicks’ is owning a pair and then wearing them with visible socks.

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